What's your Parenting Score?

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Parenting Report Card – How do you score?

As parents, our children are a living, breathing assessment of our success. Or are they?

What would your parenting report card look like?

Keep a tally of your score as you read the report comments and give yourself a rating out of 50.



a)      Has a sound understanding of the English language and uses it appropriately in front of the children (5)

b)      Knows the right words but baby brain seems to have eclipsed his/her previously impressive vocabulary and he/she chooses to use words such as ‘thingamewhatsit’ far too frequently. Use of a dictionary is advisable as is reading more widely beyond picture books. (3)

c)       Knows how to speak but expletives are used far too often. Must try f*##*^ harder. (2)



a)      Uses fractions and algebra on a daily basis and demonstrates confidence in daily tasks involving mathematics. Baking is of an outstanding standard every time and without fail. (5)

b)      Is easily distracted by others and must try to concentrate more on the task at hand. It is also advisable that X remembers that one plus one could mean more babies and that it takes two to tango. Baking is a bit iffy. (4)

c)       Disappointing use of basic addition and subtraction. Just does not add up. More practice with counting games is advisable. 99 bottles of beer on the wall is used too often as an counting song. Does not bake. (2)


Social Studies

a)      If human interaction were an art, X would be Leonardo. Socialises regularly and can make a mean coffee when guests arrive unexpectedly. (5)

b)      Mixes well with those much younger than his/herself but more adult company would be beneficial. (2)

c)       Has not been present for any social assessment. Cannot make any notable comment. It is advised that X get out more/once. (2)



a)      A range of media can be used by X with a high level of success. An impressive competence with drawing stick figures is likely to get him/her far. (5)

b)      Needs to be reminded that paint brushes can be messy and much more care is required. Most arty experiments have had questionable outcomes. (3)

c)       A gold star needs to be rewarded for trying hard in this subject area even though creative processes clearly do not come naturally. (8 – bonus points for giving it a go).



a)      Can manipulate emotion at an extremely high level and his/her use of canned tears and canned laughter deserves special mention. Handles the jandal like a pro. (10)

b)      Though X tries hard to feign certain emotions, anger often gets the better of him/her. Practice in avoiding long rants of complaining would aid X in getting higher marks for general management of this subject area. (5)

c)       Lives and breathes drama. This report card serves as a timely reminder that ‘less is more’ and being a drama queen or drama king can set a bad example for little-uns. (1)


Physical Education

a)      X is an active participant and has demonstrated a high level of coordination in most physical tasks from house cleaning to nappy changing. X has it down pat. (5)

b)      Is in fine form and can hit most targets although more focus on this subject area would result in a higher level of achievement. Rarely scores on first attempt at throwing nappies in bin. (2)

c)       Lack of time management and general lack of activity beyond the basics of child care makes it difficult to pass proper judgement on X’s physical capabilities. (1)



a)      Knows where to find formula when needed. (5)

b)      Uses an experimental approach and can recognise catalysts for chaos. Utilises experience with problem solving well. (4)

c)       Often encounters explosions. (1)


Extra Curricular

a)      Has demonstrated confidence in trying a lot of extra-curricular activities, can sing in tune to the radio in the car and deliver kids to activities mostly on time. (10)

b)      Most activities seem to have been put into the too hard basket though play grounds are used regularly for appropriate outings. (8)

c)       Attendance is difficult though the best plans have been laid. It is the thought that counts and X gains merit points for trying. (5)


How did you score? (Top score 50! Multiply by 2 to get your percentage!)

(But really, the scores are arbitrary as are the point allocations).

Parenting is not a competition.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." - Einstein